Being Vulnerable

Reading. Reading. Listening. Reading more.  This is my spare time lately.  As I try to get myself organized (is that a constant pursuit for you too?) and really trying to help myself understand the logistics of being a new business owner/selling my art, I keep coming across these two words; AUTHENTIC & VULNERABLE.

I feel like I am very authentic, but I realized that I do not like being vulnerable.  I sometimes, most times - let's be honest, limit myself to connecting with others.  I have many acquaintances but very few close friends. Truthfully I have always been that way.  I am in no way socially awkward and seem to be fairly good at making frivolous conversation.  I think most times it seems as though I am extremely selective about who I let in and I suppose that is true, but not because you are not deserving of my friendship or you have some character flaw I find unappealing.  It is truly my fear of being vulnerable.  

I am sure most people don't like to be vulnerable (I mean seriously who wants to open themselves up to hurt?!?), but I realized that in order to have real heart felt relationships with people - I have to be vulnerable.  I have to be willing to experience a little hurt from time to time to not miss out on the tremendous amounts of love and support that we can offer to one another.  I have to trust that the people that will be drawn to me will be the people that will love me.  

Creating art is such a special gift to me and I love to share - really I love to share! My heart hurts when I see people who are in need - any need; temporally, spiritually, physically.  (I always joke that I would be an amazing philanthropist.)  So I desperately want to share my art with others - I want it to bring them joy and feel light and a sense of hope when they view it.  BUT the receiver of the gift has to want the gift.  They have to love the gift as well for it to bring them that joy.  Or love me so that when they see it and think of me they will love it because of the person who created it.  Vulnerable!  There it is - I have to be vulnerable in order to share my gift.  I have to trust in myself and in others. 

We will find each other!  You are my long lost friend.

Tamela Koshiol