Overcoming My Inner Fears
Preparing to release a body of work is so exciting. I love to see how all the art comes together - sometimes it takes me quite a bit of time to paint a full body of work, and then to finally see it online is pretty cool.
It is ridiculously nerve racking too! All of the excitement bubbling up along with the crazy fear that it will just sit there hanging out together in cyberspace and no one will even see it (that often times is a huge reality when you are just starting to sell your work online).
On my Yoga retreat one of the things we talked a lot about was overcoming our "inner asshole" (pardon). You know exactly what I mean, we all have one. That stupid little voice in our head that makes us second guess ourselves. And that's on a good day! That little voice can be really harsh. I seem to be pretty familiar with mine these days. Usually I am a fairly optimistic kinda girl, but here's the deal; creating art is the most amazing thing, I love painting - it makes me feel right with the world. And I completely want to be able to share it, BUT I hate putting my art out there. I mean every bit of my "inner @$$hole" tells me it isn't good enough, no one will want it, blah blah blahhhh. Why? Why do I allow myself to think those things? Why do we (typically) see all the good in others but see the worst in ourselves. The "I don't measure up" or "I'm just not good enough"...
Somehow in that wonderful bubble that was created on my trip, I felt completely safe and ready to take on the world, well at least ready to really call myself an artist. Now I find myself feeling quite vulnerable as I prepare to release my "Endless Summer" collection. Is it a good vulnerable? I don't know - I think it's the kinda vulnerable that is also known as fear. Finding my inner warrior is what I need now so it can kick my inner @$$hole's butt.
Honestly though I think it's that we all need people around us who support us and love us. Those are the times when I feel like I can really accomplish anything.