Who am I?

My son and I, June 2010 - the weekend before my life changed, shared in my  Bio .

My son and I, June 2010 - the weekend before my life changed, shared in my Bio.

Wow!  Who am I?  I am so many things.  Honestly we all are.  I have been spending so much time writing and reworking my "Why I Create".  I know why - most days, but it is really interesting when someone asks us to be specific.  Dig deeper.  Who are you? Be vulnerable.  Share who you are. 

I begin to think, well - who am I?  Do I know myself?  I think I do, but other people see me as this or that.  Is that who I really am? Oh my gosh!  That like opens up your heart, makes you think of things that you keep buried down deep because honestly, I just want to forget that part of my life really happened.  Is that my defining moment.  Do I even have a defining moment?  I feel pretty darn boring and completely regular.  I don't think I have a defining moment. Did I miss the boat?

BRAIN STOP! Take a break heart, I can stop crying and breathe.

Note to self:  No you didn't miss the boat, well maybe, but don't worry there are more boats.  Yes you are boring sometimes, but absolutely wonderful when you need to be.  Defining moments are only what we choose to do with our experiences - and sometimes they aren't all good.  They can make us bitter, unhappy, and a pain in the butt.  Or they can mold us and recreate something even lovelier than we could imagine. Take the second!  Always take the second.  You've tried the first and it never turns out well.

So I did rewrite my "Why" and updated my bio.  I am sure it will change from time to time.  I hope it will change.  I hope I will grow. And I hope that it will help you see me.  Now I know that you will read what I write and create an image of me, that's just human nature, we form opinions and make up a whole back story to people.  It helps us connect with them.  I don't mind if you make up backstories or create images of me.  I am all the things I share. 

I will always be honest, and even though it is crazy hard - I will try to go deep (without writing a novel) - that is if it's deep.  Sometimes I don't have a good reason, I just like something because I do. Be aware, I tend to compartmentalize - it's how I cope. And when and if we ever meet in real life, please, don't be too disappointed! 

After all, I'm just a girl, standing in front of the world, asking them to love her.

Couldn't help myself, love that line (little paraphrasing, Anna Scott - Notting Hill quote). 

Tamela Koshiol